How to easily start a conversation with new people: 5 tips

Do you have trouble starting conversations when meeting new people? Is it because you are shy? Or are you just simply worried about not having something really interesting to say? I used to have this problem, but after years of observation I was able to uncover 5 useful tips that makes starting conversations super easy.

1. Don’t try to be perfect
The main reason why people find it difficult to start conversations with new people is because they are afraid to be dull and boring. It is natural for you to want to make a good impression and have the desire to say something really interesting. However, if you start talking to a stranger by saying something extremely profound, you will appear very unnatural and create an even worse impression (that you are crazy). The fact is that you need to establish a natural flow of conversation in order to say something interesting. You need to take the pressure off and realize that a start of a conversation is just simply a “start” and does not require anything spectacular.

2. Realize “small talk” is supposed to be trite (overused phrase)
When you meet someone new, you will be saying things that are going to be trite. And this is OK. Just as with getting a starting point as mentioned above, you will need to get the conversation moving by saying things that help each person engage each other. Some common trite sayings are: “it is a beautiful day out, isn’t it”, “this sure is a nice place”, “what a great [insert event] this is”, or “how about them [local popular sports team]” etc.. As you can see, these phrases are always used and they are necessary to build up the conversation. From this point you can transition the conversation from a start to another level.

3. Accept and prepare for the “warm-up” period
Be willing to go through this period in starting a conversation. The warm-up period is when you actually will find out the specifics of each other. This information is very important but at the same time can also be tedious. The warm-up period will generally consist of learning each other’s name, occupation, where they live or whether they have kids etc. If you accept that this is going to be part of starting a conversation, you can then prepare yourself to go through this period. You are probably thinking that this is obvious and it is. However, I have met plenty of people that get nervous when they have to talk about their job and it makes talking to them really awkward. It would be good idea to practice talking about your job. This will help build your confidence and really help you and anyone you just met feel more comfortable.

4. Get the other person to talk about themselves
Whenever you meet someone new and can’t think of a single thing to say, the best thing is to ask questions. Everyone will respond to a question, they are not going to just sit there and NOT answer. Even if you get a few short answers from them, eventually you will ask a question that will spark some conversation. Of course, its best to start off with the common questions above. But when the conversation seems to be slowing down you can refer to one of the previous questions and expand on it. For example, if the other person previously said that he works for a certain company X, you can say “you mentioned you worked for company X, what got you into this industry? Where did you work before?” The point is that when you keep the other person talking the more opportunities to generate more interesting conversation.

5. The more the better
The more people you meet the better you will get, it’s really that simple. I have learned that you don’t become great a conversationalist overnight or after one great conversation. It’s going to be a rough experience, at first, but you have to approach each conversation as a learning experience and to practice your skills. Be conscious of each time you meet somebody new and each time exercise one of the tips: use trite transitional phrases, acknowledge the warm up period and get the other person talking etc. Over time, meeting and talking to new people will come easier and hopefully more fun. Good luck!